With his squad at attention, my father’s drill sergeant began inspecting their rifles. Grabbing one soldier’s M-1, he peered down the barrel only to be stared back at by a spider. “Two demerits,” yelled the sergeant. “Why two?” asked the private. “One for keeping an unclean weapon,” said the sergeant. “And one for keeping an unauthorized pet.”
—KATHLEEN SHEEHY
我父亲所在的班列好队，由训练教官一一检查他们的步枪。当教官抓过一支步枪，眯着眼从枪管往里看时，发现里面有只蜘蛛正瞪着他呢！“记过两次！”教官咆哮道。“为什么是两次？”那位列兵不解地问。“一次是因为武器没有保持整洁，另一次是因为未经允许饲养宠物！”教官答道。
——凯瑟琳·希伊
If he wasn’t already aware of the dangers inherent in military life, things became pretty clear for my son with one look at his Marine boot camp itinerary. On one of the first days, Bayonet Techniques was scheduled for the morning. Following that: Beginning First Aid.
—TOMMY SISSON
即使我儿子事先不了解从军生涯中的种种危险，但只要他看一眼他在海军陆战队的新兵训练安排就非常清楚了。在开头几天的训练中，有一个上午被用来练习拼刺刀；而随后的课程就是—急救训练！
——汤米·西森
“All you idiots, fall out!” shouted the sergeant at the soldiers standing in formation. As the rest of the squad dispersed, one soldier remained at attention. The sergeant stalked over and raised a single eyebrow. The private grinned.
“Sure was a lot of them, huh, sir?”
—MATTHEW HAWORTH
军士对着列队的士兵吼道：“白痴们，解散！”队伍中的其他人都散开后，军士发现一位士兵依然保持立正的姿势。他踱到这位士兵的身边，不解地蹙起眉。这位列兵咧嘴笑道：“还真有不少白痴呢，是吧，长官？”
——马修·霍沃思
Basic training for new Army recruits includes small arms instruction. One enlistee goes out to practice on the rifle range, where he fires 99 shots, missing the target every time. “You are the worst rifleman I’ve ever seen!” says his drill instructor. “What were you in civilian life?” “I repaired telephones,” replies the recruit, “and I don’t know why I can’t hit the target. Let me see ...” He gives his rifle the once-over, checks it again, and finally a third time. Then he places his hand in front of the muzzle, pulls the trigger—and blows off the tip of his finger. “Well, that answers that,” says the phone guy, in obvious pain. “The bullets are leaving here fine. The trouble must be on the other end.”
—SOURCE UNKNOWN
新入伍的陆军士兵的基础训练中包括学习轻武器的使用。一位新兵在靶场练习，打了99 发子弹却无一命中！教官对他说：“你算是我见过的最糟糕的步枪射手了！你入伍前是做什么的？”“我是修电话机的。”这位新兵答道，“我不知道为什么我打不中。让我看看……”他把步枪颠来倒去地检查了几遍。然后他把一只手放在枪口前端，扣动了扳机—子弹削到了他的指尖。这位修电话的家伙忍着痛，说道：“好，这就说明了问题所在：子弹从这一端出发是正常的，出问题的一定是另一端！”
——佚名
“Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news,” said our platoon sergeant during our morning lineup. “First, the good news. Private Tomkins will be setting the pace on our run.” The platoon began to hoot and holler, since the overweight Tomkins was the slowest guy in the group. “Now the bad news. Private Tomkins will be driving a truck.”
—RICK STOVER
早晨列队的时候，排副对我们说：“先生们，今天我有好消息，也有坏消息。先说好消息：今天跑步训练的领跑者是列兵汤姆金斯。”队伍于是开始兴奋起来，因为体重超重的汤姆金斯是全排跑得最慢的家伙！但接着排副说道：“现在说坏消息：列兵汤姆金斯将驾驶一辆卡车领跑！”
——里克·斯托弗
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