Take My Hand
抓紧我的手
The guardian angels of life fly so high as to be beyond our sight, but they are always looking down upon us.
~Jean Paul Richter
The car crept slowly up the dark mountain road as February winds dusted the slick pavement with
new-fallen snow. From the front seat, my two college friends navigated the old car over the icy road. I sat behind them with a broken seat belt.
The back end of the car fishtailed. “No problem, Mary,” Brad reassured me, gripping the steering
wheel. “Sam’s house is just over the next ridge. We’ll make it there safely.” I heaved a sigh. “I’m glad Sam’s having a party. It’ll be so good to see everyone again after Christmas break.” I hoped my cheerful friends could bring me up from one of the lowest points of my life. Even Christmas at home in Hawaii had been disappointing, leaving my heart empty and hollow. Nothing had been the same since Dad died two years ago.
Sensing my despair, Dad’s sisters had taken me aside after Christmas dinner. “Pray to the heavens, honey,” they coaxed. “Your daddy is there. He can hear you and help you.”
Pray? Bah, humbug, I thought, as I left the family gathering. I’ve given up on God.
Moonlight glistened off the icy pavement. Our car approached the bridge traversing the canal waters feeding the nearby lake. As we crossed the bridge, the car began swerving out of control. “Hang on!” Brad screamed. We spun 360 degrees before careening off the road. The car rolled over, slammed onto its top, and my body crashed through the rear window and onto the frozen earth. As I groaned, only half-conscious, I noticed no sounds from the front seat. I started crawling, hoping to find the road, and help. Digging my elbows into the ground, I dragged my battered body across the rough terrain. With the next pull, I slid over a knoll and somersaulted down the other side and into the freezing canal water.
The pain and cold left me limp. Then I heard a voice scream, “Swim!” I began to stroke with my arms.
“Swim!” the voice called. It sounded like Dad. “Swim harder, Mary Ann!”
He was the only one who called me Mary Ann. “Daddy!” I cried, as the current pulled me under. I thrust myself through the surface of the water when I heard him scream again, “Swim harder!”
“Daddy, where are you? I can’t see you!” I yelled, as the frigid waters pulled me under again.
Too frozen and weak to fight, I felt myself sinking deeper into the darkness. My head swayed back, and I gazed up through the surface of the water where a bright golden light glowed. Then I heard Daddy holler again, “Swim, Mary Ann! Take my hand!”
With all my might, I hurled my body upward, through the water and into the light. There, my daddy’s hand extended. I recognized his touch, his grip as he pulled me up.
Then the light, the hand—the moment—vanished. I was clutching a chain extended across the canal.
“Daddy!” I cried. “Come back! Help me. Help me, Daddy!”
“Over here!” another voice yelled. “She’s over here!” A stranger leaned toward the water’s edge. “Hold on to the chain and pull yourself to shore!”
Hand over hand, I yanked my frozen torso within the stranger’s reach, and he lifted me to the bank. My body and my mind were numb.
“Let’s get you to the hospital,” the man said, wrapping me in a blanket. He sniffed near my face. “Have you been drinking?”
“No,” I mumbled.
As I drifted into a merciful state of unconsciousness, I heard him say, “You were calling for your daddy.”
I came to in the emergency room, where I was treated for hypothermia. My friends had sustained only cuts and bruises.
“You’re all lucky,” the highway patrolman said. “Especially you, young lady. Those chains are strung across canals to keep animals and debris from flowing into the lake. I can’t believe you knew to grab it when you did, or had the strength to in that freezing water.”
“I had help,” I muttered.
“You must have had help, Mary,” the patrolman said. “You were deathly close to being sucked into the underground siphon that pumps water into the lake. Another ten feet, and we’d never have found your body.” He patted my shoulder. “Somebody up there is looking after you.”
Not just somebody, I thought. My Daddy.
That afternoon in the canal was the last time in my life I’ve been afraid. Even years later, when our infant daughter had open-heart surgery, I had a faith-filled peace no one could understand. I can feel that, with Dad’s help, the hand of God is over me. I need only to reach out and grasp it.
~Mary Ann Hagen
生命的守护天使飞得太高，我们看不到他们，但他们会一直看着我们。
——吉恩·保罗·里克特
当二月的寒风把新降的雪花吹散在光滑的路面上时，我们的车在黑暗的山路上缓慢行驶着。
我的两个大学朋友坐在前排，开着那辆破车，驶过湿滑的路面，我坐在他们后面，系着破损的安全带。
汽车的尾部不停地摆动着。“没事的，玛丽，”布拉德一面安慰我，一面紧握着方向盘，“再翻过一座山就是山姆家了，我们会安全抵达的。”
我叹了口气。“我很高兴去参加山姆的聚会，圣诞节假期结束了，大家又可以聚到一起了。”
我希望，朋友们在一起的欢乐气氛可以把我从人生的低谷中拉出来。即使是在夏威夷和家人一起过的圣诞节也让我很失望，感觉内心空荡荡的。自从两年前爸爸去世之后，一切都不同了。
姑姑们觉察到了我内心的绝望，吃完圣诞晚餐之后，她们把我叫到了一边。“ 亲爱的，向上
天祈祷吧，” 她们劝我说，“你爸爸在那里，他会听到你的祷告来帮助你的。”
祈祷？呸！都是些骗人的话！我这样想着离开了家庭聚会。我已经不相信上帝了。
月光洒在结冰的路面上，闪闪发光，我们的车快要驶上横卧运河之上的大桥——那条运河注入附近的湖泊。当我们的车穿过大桥时，它突然开始打转，根本无法控制。“ 一定要抓住啊！”布拉德大叫。我们几乎旋转了360 度后，翻出了路面。车翻了，车顶触地，我从车的后窗坠落到冰冻的地面上。当我处于半昏迷状态发出呻吟的时候，我注意到前排的位置上没有发出任何声响。我开始爬，希望能够找到一条路去求助。我用双肘捣着地面，拖着伤痛的身躯，艰难地爬过那不平之地。我再一挣，翻过一个小土丘，滑到了另一边，掉进了冰冷的河水里。
疼痛和寒冷几乎让我无法移动，接着，我听到一个声音在大喊：
“游啊！”
我开始用臂划水。
那个声音又在喊：“继续游！”听起来很像爸爸的声音。“使劲游啊，玛丽？安！”
爸爸是唯一叫我玛丽？安的人。“ 爸爸！”我哭喊着，这时水流又把我吞没了。我挣扎着探出水面，这时，我又听到了爸爸在大喊：“使劲游！”
“爸爸，你在哪儿？我看不到你！”我大喊着，冰冷的河水又一次将我吞没。
极度的寒冷，再加上极度的虚弱，我已经无力挣扎，感觉自己正在沉入无尽的黑暗之中。我转过头，好像看到水面上有一束金色的亮光在闪烁。然后我又听到爸爸在大喊：“游啊，玛丽？安，抓紧我的手！”
我用尽全力向上一冲，终于探出了水面，看到了亮光。爸爸的手伸了过来，我能感觉到他的抚摸，是他抓着我把我拉了上来。
接着，灯光和爸爸的手——一刹那间——都消失了。我紧紧抓着运河周边的锁链。
“爸爸，回来啊！救救我，救救我，爸爸！”我哭喊着。
“在这儿！”另一个声音大喊道，“她在这儿！”一个陌生人斜倚在水边说道，“抓紧锁链，挪到岸边来！”
我双手交叉猛拉了一把，我那冻僵的身体离那个陌生人不远了。他把我拉到岸上，我的身体和意识都已经麻木了。
“我带你去医院，”他边说边把我裹进毛毯。他凑到我面前，闻了闻，问道：“你喝酒了吗？”
“没有！”我含糊地说了一句。
在我渐渐失去意识时，我听到那个陌生人说“你一直在叫你的爸爸”。
由于体温过低，我被送进了急诊室。我的朋友们只是受了点擦伤和淤伤。
“你们真是太幸运了，”公路上的巡警说，“尤其是你，小姑娘！运河边上的那些锁链是用来阻挡动物或是废弃物掉进河里的，真不敢相信，你掉进河里后，在那么冰冷的水里，居然还有力气抓住那些锁链。”
“我得到了帮助。”我小声说道。
“你肯定是得到了帮助，玛丽，”巡警说，“当时情况十分危急，你离抽水到湖里的地下虹吸管已经特别近了，很有可能被吸进去。再近十英尺的话，我们就永远找不到你了。”他拍了拍我的肩膀说，“一定有人在天上看顾着你。”
我觉得，不是别人，就是我的爸爸。
那天下午掉进运河里，是我这一生当中所经历的最让我害怕的一件事，但也是最后一次。即使多年以后，我的小女儿做“心脏直视”手术时，我信念坚定，内心平和，尽管这无法让人理解。在爸爸的帮助下，我可以感觉到上帝之手。我需要做的就是努力去够到，然后紧紧地抓住。
——玛丽·安·哈根
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