It was a lovely day at the park and Stella Bianchi was enjoying the sunshine with her two chil-dren when a young boy, aged about four, approached her two-year-old son and pushed him to theground.
"I'd watched him for a little while and my son was the fourth or fifth child he'd shoved," shesays. "I went over to them, picked up my son, turned to the boy and said, firmly, ' No, wedon't push. ' " What happened next was unexpected.
"The boy's mother ran toward me from across the park," Stella says, "I thought she wascoming over to apologize, but instead she started shouting at me for disciplining her child. All Idid was let him know his behavior was unacceptable. Was I supposed to sit back while her kid didwhatever he wanted, hurting other children in the process？"
Getting your own children to play nice is difficult enough. Dealing with other people's childrenhas become a minefield.
In my house, jumping on the sofa is not allowed. In my sister's house it's encouraged. Forher, it's about kids being kids: "If you can't do it at three, when can you do it.'？"
Each of these philosophies is valid and, it has to be said, my son loves visiting his aunt'shouse. But I find myself saying "no" a lot when her 'kids are over at mine. That's OK betweensisters but becomes dangerous territory when you're talking to the children of friends or acquaint-ances.
"Kids aren't all raised the same," agrees Professor Naomi White of Monash University. "Butthere is still an idea that they're the properly of the parent. We see our children as an extension ofourselves, so if you're saying that my child is behaving inappropriately, then that's somehow acriticism of me. "
In those circumstances, it's difficult to know whether to approach the child directly or theparent first. There are two schools of thought.
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